I Was Vaccine Hesitant, and Ken Holland Got It Right
Yes. I was vaccine hesitant.
But I got the shot.
My hesitancy had nothing to do with conspiracy theories or QAnon.
I don’t believe the pandemic was planned, nor do I believe Bill Gates wants to rewrite my DNA. I believe in the efficacy of vaccines in general (know anyone with polio?) and believe they’re essential to civilization.
In fact, I had no idea I was hesitant. In the middle of the summer I made an appointment to get my first shot. I called in and the guy I spoke with was awesome. I mean, we hit it off. We joked and laughed and it was like, a ten minute bromance.
Smiling and blushing like a schoolgirl.
Then I booked my appointment like it ain’t no thang.
But the day before the shot…something settled in my gut like lead. I was insanely uncomfortable. Anxiety. Fear. I couldn’t tell you why. It really caught me off-guard.
Didn’t see it coming.
So I skipped the appointment.
Like, I couldn’t go.
Then I did what I always do when I have inexplicable fear and anxiety: I waited until Tuesday and asked Shannon.
Shannon is my counsellor (she was created in heaven when Mother Theresa, Sartre, Jimi Hendrix, Stephen Hawking, and the fourth season of The Wire merged their essences to create an angel they sent to Earth to help me rebuild my life).
Apparently, there’s a high likelihood my hesitancy was at least partly rooted in childhood trauma and subsequent learned behaviour.
It’s complicated but makes total sense.
I’m not going to explain it because a) it would take to long and 2) I shouldn’t fucking have to, because getting the shot should be my choice, regardless of my reasons for it.
I wanted to get the shots, but couldn’t because of anxiety and fear.
But I wanted to work through my problems with Shannon, face my fear, learn something about myself, and then get the shot because even though I totally didn’t want to I knew it was the sensible thing to do.
It would have been a triumph!
But I was robbed of that journey because I wanted to take my son to Funvilla one weekend and realized — like a car hitting a brick wall — that I couldn’t.
Because of the vaccine mandate.
Then I realized that I couldn’t take him anywhere, because 85 per cent of civilization was about to be roped off from me.
There was even a small risk I could lose access to my children if I didn’t get the shot.
Well fuck.
Ken Holland is the general Manager of the Edmonton Oilers, and Mark Spector is the excellent reporter that covers them for Sportsnet. I know this because I love hockey and I watch their media availability regularly as my team — the Calgary Flames — is an organization with the hockey acumen of a snot-rag a racoon just shit on.
So I listen to Ken instead.
The Oilers traded for Duncan Keith this off-season, a defenceman in his golden years who is one of the best of all time.
Duncan was late to training camp because he was vaccine hesitant.
Watch this.
You see how Ken handled it?
“For some people getting the vaccine is a difficult decision.”
Responsibly.
I believe Ken approached Duncan with understanding, patience, and above all, respect. I bet he made Duncan know he was a part of the team and his decision wouldn’t affect that. I bet Ken told him he’d keep Duncan on the team but couldn’t stop the government and society from keeping him out of games. I bet Ken politely and carefully offered all the information he could about the vaccines, and was an active listener when Duncan opened up to him and talked about his concerns.
Border crossings, quarantines, vaccine requirements: a lot was out of his Ken’s control, but I bet he made sure Duncan knew that that for as long as he could Ken would have Duncan’s back and play him whenever he could.
Duncan got the shot and was as pissed about it as I was.
You see Ken’s approach, right?
The Oilers had another guy who refused, though.
Josh Archibald, a competent and useful depth piece for the Oilers.
Again, both Ken and coach Dave Tippet handled the situation with deft aplomb, in the same way.
But for Josh, Mark Spector said no, I’m going full Canadian on this guy.
He thought, this is my time to shine.
He wrote this.
In Canada there’s broad support for vaccine mandates for two reasons: People like being sanctimonious and they like being wrong.
I believe for Mark it was the former.
The thing is, Mark’s approach was about Mark. It wasn’t rooted in genuine concern for society. It wasn’t about vaccines or hockey. It was a chance to rant, to relish in the thrill of attacking another human being with public approval.
It’s like Mark was vaccinated against compassion.
I don’t think when Josh read that he said, “Holy shit! Mark’s right! I am selfish! I am ridiculous! I am foolish! I’m going to change my mind and send him a thank you note with a ten dollar Tim’s card.”
No. I bet his spine stiffened. I bet his resolve hardened. I bet he said fuck you, Mark, and doubled down on his refusal.
If Ken Holland had acted like Mark, where would Duncan Keith and the Oilers be now?
And then it turned out Josh had a heart condition, probably caused by COVID.
Thankfully, Mark Spector resisted the urge to gloat.
Because maybe, even though Josh posted conspiracy theories on twitter, he didn’t want to get the jab for different reasons.
But who cares about his reasons? A person has a right to choose, their motivations are their own, and the consequences of those decisions are theirs to bear.
You know, like abortion. It’s a woman’s choice because no one can tell a woman what to do with her body, right?
Unless it’s a COVID vaccine.
Then governments, employers, and self-righteous reporters can tell her exactly what to do with it, complete with shame and self-righteous frowns.
Oh, but I forgot, the vaccine is for the public good.
Right.
Like mandatory abortions because population control is necessary to deal with the climate crisis.
Oh sorry, that last sentence came from the future because current vaccine mandates set the precedent and governments ran with it for the next 20 years.
(A nightmare, unlikely scenario to be sure, but is anything impossible in these crazy times?)
In the end I went to the vaccination center.
My fear was replaced with anger.
And get this: before I got the jab they asked me for…
…my consent.
Can you believe that shit?
I said, “No, I don’t consent. But I want to raise my son like a normal father and to do that you have to stick that needle in my arm now get it done.”
Shannon met my hesitancy with kindness, compassion, insight, patience, and respect.
Just like Ken Holland.
But society met it with shame, coercion, force, and belittlement.
Just like Mark Spector.
In the end I was denied my personal journey with Shannon, where I might have learned something about my past, myself.
My identity.
So fuck you, society. You just made an angry citizen, and I guess that’s the point of all this:
Does the world really need another angry white guy?
Maybe people in positions of influence should look at that question and choose their approach more thoughtfully.
